Onam from my memories !

 
Every year we celebrate onam, we make all those same dishes that we are having from ages but still the memory of onam that we celebrated as little kids pop up when we have to talk about onam! 
I remember getting up early morning to collect flowers for 'athapookalam'  (flowerbed) along with the whole group of children in that area..  somehow we never bothered  to take a plastic bag or vessel like a civilised person but was very happy to collect it in our home wear ...  Somehow I always found the 'kamalapoo ( red and yellow flower with a different shape which wud found only near the river ) the best! 

After the 'Atthapookalam' the group would proceed to have a bath in the river... This is strictly prohibited for me so I would patiently wait watching the others in my comfirtable seat a huge rock near the river ... Somehow the process of washing clothes n bath would end only around 12..

We would convinse Papa about the jula and few days in advance he would make a jula in the close by coffee (indeed it was too small) tree.. After few years it was in a jackfruit tree, as we grew our jula also became bigger.

Before wearing the new dress i would always scan the kitchen to see if all my favourite dishes are in place... The smell of avial some how never allowed me to move without tasting! 

Lunch is usually at our neighbours house but still mom would make aviyal and things so that 'maveli' wont  be disappointed !

Eating in leaf with such a lot of dishes, hoo, its a feeling I can't forget! Them taste of the food which is made by 'chellamma chechi' I still have it in my tonge...

  Then its d  convinsing time to allow us to go  the most awaited programmes  at the nearby house 'aashan' .. Both of them knew well how we wanted to go for the programme but they put conditions ... The agony that we went through ! Ho, we managed it most of the time but few times I remember going without permissions too..

All dressed up so well specially ladies  with  mallu sari with lots of flowers in their hair.. Then entire area, all families would end up joining them..

There would be a very long 'jula' where in we need to be in que.. An amazing experience ... Though it's meant for big people  mani chettan would allow us for few minutes !

One side ladies will have some program, kaikottikali, thumbithullal and lots of fun activities.. One fellow would dress up like  puli (cheetah ) and will have pulikali.. Lots of competitions!

An amazing experience altogether!   Haven't seen onam in Kerala for last 25 yrs may be the things would have changed but somehow my memory reminds same! 

Freedom of speech !

Hats off to Ms. Shreya Singhal! I remember looking at the photo of the young girls (ms. covering their face when they got arrested for commenting on Bal Thakray's death and the subsequent 'bandh' on FB.... I couldn’t justify the act of the young girls  being arrested and making a big news about it.. The police and media pictured them as they have done a murder!

Everyone around knew well that, it was not a crime the girls did, it was indeed a normal comment any other person like you and me did!    The history repeated when the system arrested university professor for forwarding on cartoon of Mamtaji then it was turn of the cartoonist Aseem Trivedi...

All these were normal comments where a normal person can never find fault with... but such incidents creates a very long block in our minds... many times we feel like expressing our opinions in fb or twitter on many of the injustice and malpractices we come across… but we get scared !  We don’t want to be the next victim in any case..

Tasleema Nasreen wrote openly about the life in Bangladesh and her books are being banned in India.. I read the book and I felt the same is done well with facts, but somehow the system says it’s against the law so the books are being banned!

Freedom of speech is something that will  benefit each one of us...  we are free to express our voice against the injustice or any sensational subjects without any block! We all know well that we need d freedom to express.. Many times we know d law need to be amended but we wanted somebody else to fight for our right!

I should say Ms. Shrya took the  courage to file a complaint against the system.. may be the subject she is learning 'law' give her the knowledge and support... but d question is how many have already learned  and passed  out this law... why only Shreya responded ?  Am sure there would have been obstacles on her way  but the girl was determined to fight against the injustice.. The question of courage comes herein.. There is no doubt Shrya is going to be one if the best lawyer coming up ! One person who would fight for justice!

Again there is going to be flows on d amended law..  bad people who would misuse the subject.. but let’s hope for the best...

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The world of woman !!!

Lot has written about woman.... her happy side.. her sad life, there is nothing that left to write !

My question here is 'r u happy to be a woman?? I ask this question often to myself..n my answer varies each time as per d mood.. when i am low in my spirit i just don't like my life... i only look at d negative side of it...  but at d same time when i am happy i just love to be a woman..

What makes an woman happy ??  The number of forward messages indicates its difficult to please a woman... but to be frank every little thing that you do or the efforts that you put from d heart is enough to make her smile...

Her role is quite big.. being a daughter is d most precious days of a lady.. though she realizes it much later..  whatever the circumstance at home she is being well taken care of (90 percent of d households)..  she is her fathers favorite all the time..  she has her group of friends who support her days of thick and thin..

She has this imagination Marriage is the happiest moment of her life... but soon she realizes  there is lots of responsibilities attached to  her marital life!  She tries to please everyone around sacrificing  her likes n dislikes..

She ignore d discrimination... she learns to accept that though they come from office together... tired.. she is supposed to serve  water and tea for her husband and she does it obediently..

This is d story of a middle class woman.. though she  manages all her responsibilities well she never get d appreciation she is due for...

Though my life is easy  and  am lucky to have a husband who appreciate me ignoring my short comings.. i come across with woman who really take the pain to meet the ends.. she works like a servant to please her in-laws and husband but always end up hurting..  the more efficient she tries to be the more responsibilities she gets and d most hurting part is a mom inlaw who was also a daughter inlaw  once has to do lot with this desperation ! 

Her daughter gets a helping hand from her husband 'she got a very good husband' at the same time her son tries to support her daughter in law 'i never allowed him any such thing... look at her how she is treating my son" Can  d daughter inlaw be happy being a woman ??

most of the cases the daughter inlaw gets to return what she got on a later date and we see in families the daughter inlaw - mom inlaw fight and few of the times the elder lady is thrown out to old age home? who is responsible for all these??? a woman herself ! 

i know one lady who is harassed by her boss but  not able to stop his dirty comments and unwanted  talks... she is scared to complain fearing for her job .... if at all try try to make an objection or complaint expecting her female friends to help her out,  most of d time ladies (including her trust worthy friends) turns and bitch about her and she ends up hurting herself.. do you expect her to be happy  here ?

 
I know many woman who was misused by  trust worthy boyfriends .. and still get scared to hitch in life... dead scared to fall in love again...

The woman gives her soul to put her family together.... children and her husband means her world.. in the process she never have time for herself... she doesn't have time / or don't care to worry about her looks...  she turns fat and ugly... and today, we really see d family tearing apart with an extra marital affair of her husband... Are these woman supposed to believe in love  again ?? are they supposed to love their life ??

We celebrate woman's day once in a year... talk about all equality but even at home a  woman is not given d 

required respect... most of d places though they prove that they are noting less than the men around the preference is always being given to the men..

Without a woman a family is incomplete... her role is too big.. daughter.. sister.. wife.. daughter inlaw..  mother.. mother inlaw.. grand mother.. all depends on 'her'..

The only thing she ask is bit of respect in d family.. in d office.. a bit of appreciation about what she does... she has her limitations.. accept it or ignore it...

Love and  help the woman around yourself rather than bitching their short comings... we  woman can make a difference to woman around... lets work on that ! Let us support each other !  

National Safety day !

I have this carefree attitude to everything, I may talk proud about being part of  safety team (once upon a time) but in real life I have this 'I don’t care' attitude!  

If I count the  number of times that I am caught by  traffic police for not wearing a helmet / seatbelt or at times breaking the  traffic signal  it’s going to be long list.. though I know these can be serious, I bribe the police and walk off ! 

The addiction to my cell.... this even I get scared at times, my addiction to the cell many times reached me the  brink of accidents... the most scary situation is when I run for d shuttle bus crossing the highway's  rushing vehicles...

another thing is getting inside to an over crowded train... I don’t  know why I be so impatient, waiting another 10 min I could go in a beter train with much comfort but somehow to save that 10 min I end up taking d crowded train, many times hanging out.... ready to fall..

I see the accidents infront of me many times.. that shakes me for few days but then again i go back to doing what I have been doing....

This is not my own story this is what each one of us do... we just rush things and dont care a bit until something really bad happens..

Today.. ont his day of 'National Safety Day' let us make a change in our lives.. let  us be serious about our life... let us rectify our silly mistakes and give more seriousness towards safety measures.. let us be example for all those careless people like us !

Can a mom in-law be a mom!

2^nd March 2015

I still remember well d previous day of my marriage,  the girls.. asha, bindhu, najla all  of them rounded in my room to advise me about  my new life... 'if you handle you mom inlaw well things will be smooth' asha the eldest among us advised.  

I had lots of worries about my new life.. being brought up in kerala and getting married to a mumbai boy was a real big step in my life..  but somehow i  knew 'gods plan for me' will never fail.

To be frank i dint know how to make even 'tea' (forget about making a good meal)  to impress my in laws.. 

It dint take  many days to realise and accept my mother in law as my mother .. Maybe she was more than a mother, her waving from the third floor and waiting for me in the evening at the same place is still fresh in my memory!

 As the time passed, I learned everything from her, my free time both of us would go for shopping, I cannot forget this--  each time she buys a gift for Naina (my sil) she would buy for me too.. often we would stand near kitchen window and talk nonstop.. one of our favourite subject was that  ‘how a mom in law and daughter in law can even think of fighting’ !

Years passed.. Things changed.. Financial position changed.. Life style changed so as relations.. i suddenly realised the need to settle down life..   In the rush of life we found lesser time to talk..  

We never fought but something was missing from the relation..   we shifted after few years... she would come and stay with us often and helped us to settle down in life..  somehow the relation was completely changed.. our small life was completely forgotten and now our discussion will be more on ‘what we did new.. or what we brot new.. how many servants and things like that’…   

The most hurting thing is she completely forgot those days.. the life we had.. the party that we celebrated.. I kept on thinking what could be the reason for all these changes?? is it money ?? is it the lifestyle?? I still don’t have answers for many of my queries..

We still talk so much.. I discuss with her almost everything, she gives me gifts, may be more than she gives to her own daughter.. I can feel the soft corner for me all the time.. but still I feel I can never accept the new mummy… I still long for the old mom with her real affection..

During one of the hot discussions during lunch time, we argued a lot about the relationships.. that’s when it clicked me,  my mom tells me things n i accept it but at the same time when mom in-law says the same thing, I end up thinking too much and would end up its negative points !   same thing happens when i tell her something... she feels I said the specific thing because I am a daughter in-law!

The bottom line is how much ever we try and accept our mom in laws at certain points we need to accept that she is not your mom!  Though they treat us like their own daughters in every way they get hurt when we say something though we told it for their good!

God and me !!

27 Feb 2015

God and me !

My life is full of miracles!  I wonder how perfectly god made me..  though I am not so happy about my looks n all those that he blessed me with,  when i see a blind person or a handicapped person i thank him for making me so  perfect !

I have this strong connection with him.. no matter what happens,  i let him control my life..  It might be silly but i still ask god for miracles / signs to express his involvement in my life.. There are days which i know is going to be tough (both in professional n personal) but i ask him to give me d strength to face  d situation  n trust me.. Most of d times d situation changes and i don’t need to face it at all..

There were situations in my life which cud really go wrong.. not one but many!!  I experienced him changing d plans for me.. I can talk nonstop on d blessings that he showered on me..

The photo frame at our house has a lot of effect in my life.. I seriously can talk to the photo, at times i fight with him for not allowing me for something that i wanted.. Sometimes it’s all about complaining..  sometimes it’s just d 'why me'... then few days i don’t sit on d specific sofa n look at him nor talk to him... but then in two days  i go back to him...

I wonder how can i give back even a small part of d blessings.. i know his plans are always d best for me and wud wait for his next call!

 

Being a mom !

Being a mom!

I would think often that I would be the perfect mom to be my child whenever it happens..  But somehow after giving birth and seeing her growing I realise my mom is the  perfect one !

Being a mom is not an easy task.. it’s a great responsibility, every mom wants their child to be the perfect ones around, but circumstances or situations make them to teach the same thing in different ways !

Ha I seriously on praise for my mom raising four of us sacrificing many things in life, I never appreciated her in anyway, I always thought she is not smart.. but when face challenge managing my only teenage daughter Sherin I think of my mom.. how she managed all of us ! 

She is never a good cook.. but still I long to have her beef curry n fish curry.. I realise how hard it was when I criticised her cooking skills.. its took really long time for me to know the feeling though ! Even Sherin doesn’t like my cooking at all ( I am really a pathetic cook!) after taking so much effort and cook something and Sherin manages with bread and egg I get the feeling that my mom had all these years !

Mom alwasys wanted me to be independent and would insist us to wash the plate and make the bed (well remember her watching us with a stick in her hand!) and I would cry and complaint that she doesn’t love me… but now when stand behind Sherin, I know she must be cursing for being rude, but I smile with the thinking of being appreciated on a later date!

I realised each time she said ‘No’ there was a reason behind it at times which couldn’t be explained but it took years to understand this silly logic…  

I remember telling my mom that she doesn’t understand me or my feelings as a teenage girl,  she replied nothing but I saw the tears corner of her eyes.. Today when Sherin tells me I remember the tears all the time.. I too don’t reply but I know she will also have to go through the same feeling one day in her life time! 

I always wanted my mom to change, I wanted her to become modern, I never appreciated about anything that she did for me but I always thought it’s her responsibility!

This day I understand a mom need not be perfect, it’s not necessary that she acts as per our wish, she give me the gifts that I longed for.. her life is all about making her children  perfect, making you happy sacrificing number of things in her life.. Pretending to show as if we know nothing about a tnage childs life is about (teenage children feels that they know better than anyone around!)

I wait patiently for sherin to get married and being a mom to get all my dues!  Though it’s too long wait  (min 10 yrs) 😀😀